The Get MTV Off of DJ Pauly D’s D Rant

It has just come to my attention that Pauly D from the Jersey Shore will be the first to be given his own spinoff series on MTV. Wow. Calm the fuck down, MTV. Get the fuck off DJ Pauly D’s D. Is there anything you won’t do to get this guy laid?

I mean, he didn’t need your help to begin with. Pauly is like 6’4”, tan, perfect amount of muscle (my subjective opinion- not too much, not too little), perfectly defined stomach (again, not too defined, not too flabby), funny as fucking hell, and a DJ. Get rid of the blowout and slap some blonde hair on that ish, and I’d be on the next flight out to Jersey with whatever it is a gal proposes to a guido with these days (Gucci sneakers? A bottle of vintage Dom. Romane Conti?)

Then MTV goes and casts him on their most popular show to date. Jackpot. As if that weren’t enough, they raise his salary exponentially by the season AND gradually give him more camera time so all of the U.S. can see how hysterically funny and charming he is. So now he’s rich AND the good guy. And NOW they’re giving him his very own spinoff show? The first spinoff of the group!?

Some MTV female producer clearly wants Pauly’s peen. Or a male producer is living vicariously through him. I don’t know. But all Pauly has to do now is just walk down the street and point at a girl and boom, roasted. I bet if he starts even trying to spit some game, the producers just jump right in and fucking spit it for him.

My question is… why Pauly D, MTV? He doesn’t need any more of your help. What about all those poor Schmoes out there who are helpless and hopeless? I saw about 20 of them this past weekend. They could have benefitted from a little MTV-notoriety and a hefty paycheck to pick up the bar tab with. Why put all your resources into your prodigy child? Spread the wealth a little. At least give Pauly a lame-o guy sidekick on this new show so he can pick up some leftovers. Have a heart. I’d be willing to host a contest on this very blog. A contest between which Boston dude gets laid the least and is most in need of some help from MTV. The chosen one gets to be Pauly D’s sidekick and cash in on the hot messes Pauly toots and boots. Besides, I bet Pauly can feel you creepin’ on his peen anyways MTV and is starting to get a little freaked out. He’s smarter than he looks. You can’t have your Golden Ticket jump ship because you got all desperate for that D.

To read the article on this click here. There are also some glorious pictures of Deena falling while dancing on stage at a Las Vegas Spring Break affair.

Just watched the latest Teen Mom and the blonde one said “sawn” instead of seen. And she stole my wedding date. Everyone knows October 16 is MY I-do-date, bitch. Also, the new Real World Las Vegas premieres tomorrow. Who the fuck is still watching the Real World?

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